Whether this is the first or the 20th time your service member spouse has been called to active duty, relationships change when a spouse serves away from home. Luckily, there are ways to ensure you keep in touch and maintain a strong relationship with your partner.
Here are some ways to nurture your love through deployment:
Talk about your upcoming separation. Set aside some quiet time to talk about your feelings and plan how each of you will manage during your time apart. If you have children, get a sitter and spend a few hours alone with your spouse in honest, open conversation. Don’t ignore or dismiss your feelings. Discuss how you’ll handle emergencies, parenting issues and finances. Identify people you can connect with for support.
Discuss how you will stay in touch. Explore options like email, phone calls, video chat and regular mail. Talk about which forms of communication make you feel closest and which options are most easily accessible.
Establish mutual trust. Trust is essential in relationships, but it’s even more crucial when dealing with a separation or deployment. Practice open and honest communication. Even during difficult conversations, mutual respect is essential.
Keep busy and stay active. The more fulfilled you feel, the better you will handle separations and challenging times. Participate in social outings and clubs. Connect with other military spouses. If you have children, keep them occupied and on track.
Share daily happenings from home. Hearing about your life (even the everyday routine) will help your deployed spouse feel closer to you. Talk about what your children say, what your pet did and the unusual dinner you prepared. Details and descriptions will make these conversations more than just small talk.
Learn about your spouse’s job and other interests. Learn your spouse’s daily life to help you better understand his or her experiences while you are apart. Though your deployed spouse may not be able to share some aspects of the job, you can talk about other activities that keep him or her occupied.
Send care packages. It may sound old-fashioned, but sending a care package is always welcome. Care packages deliver a little piece of home to your deployed spouse. Be creative. Include treats, funny notes and items that have special meaning for both of you.
Record your thoughts in a journal to share with your spouse. You may want to keep an online journal with pictures your spouse can access over the internet; it’s a great way to nurture your love while keeping your spouse up-to-date on life at home. Just be sure the journal is private since you don’t want your life’s details publicly available.
Share songs that remind you of your spouse. Listening to songs that bring back happy memories keeps you connected and helps nurture your relationship.
Be realistic about communication. Remember that your deployed spouse may be in an area with limited mail or email service or need more time to respond. Remember, sporadic communication doesn’t mean your spouse doesn’t care. Trust that your partner will connect with you as soon as possible.
If the stress of your partner's absence starts to feel like more than you can handle, lean on someone. Talk with a close friend, family member or counselor and don’t be afraid to ask for help with your responsibilities. Remember that a solid plan, a healthy dose of mutual trust and communication can help you and your spouse through anything.
Source: U.S. Department of Defense: www.militaryonesource.mil